Meaning Behind The Song
by harroc83
Summary: Well this starts off at the Series finale.I'm making stuff up. Ruthie POV story. Her life is going to change when she leaves for Scotland. I'm a MartinRuthie fan so it's that type of story. Its going to have music, love, etc. Chap9 11.02.06
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"So this is it", said Ruthie standing at the airport looking at her family.

Ruthie's POV:

It had been almost a week since Simon's crazy wedding. Simon did get married but not to the one that wedding was actually for. No Sandy was his wife. Shocking aint it. I mean I was in shock throughout the whole thing. Lucy was the pastor. Everything was going alright then when Lucy asked if there was anyone that did not feel that those two should be married.

Sandy shocked everyone by standing up and said "I don't because I'm in love with the groom".

The gasps were not contained. My eyes were opened wide at that. It was damn shocking I tell you. Then Mary our long lost sister comes running and yells that she doesn't think Simon should marry her either. Poor Simon was pale and looked sick. Rose looked livid. But what Mary said next shocked everyone in the church.

"She hasn't been faithful to you Simon. She has been cheating with someone you know", said Mary.

"Someone we all know", said Mary.

"Who?" asked Anne holding her hand to her chest.

"You remember Jimmy Moon?" asked Mary looking at Lucy.

"Jimmy Moon?" asked Lucy looking at Rose that had her head bowed.

"How could you do this to me?" asked Simon.

"I, god it was a mistake", said Rose.

"I knew it. I should have followed my instincts, I knew this was wrong. My whole family told me that this was a bad idea. God I can't even stand to look at you", said Simon ripping the little rose from his label and stomping out of the church.

I remember turning to Sandy that was still standing with baby Aaron in her arms and I told her to go to him. I took the baby from her as she ran after him. I looked down at Martin and Sandy's son. This little boy had no idea how much pain he caused me. I know that I told my dad I was over it but I never could be. It was just painful to think about it. So I did what any other person would have done, I buried the pain down inside me instead. Now you all wondering what is going on. Everyone basically is in shock and Rose she is just standing there looking pissed. I have never seen someone so angry before. She was going to go after Simon and Sandy but Lucy grabbed her arm and glared down at her.

"Leave my brother alone", growled Lucy before stomping off.

You know they call me sneaky Ruthie so I had to find out what was going on with my brother. I walked down the hallway and heard the voices. They were yelling at each other.

"How could she do this to me? I, god, what was I thinking", said Simon.

"I don't know", said Sandy looking down.

"And you, how could you say that", yelled Simon.

I know that Simon wasn't really mad at Sandy. He was scared about what she said.

"Because it was the truth, I hated that you were with her. I hate that you were going to marry her", yelled Sandy.

"You hate this", yelled Simon.

"I hate the fact that you slept with Martin and got pregnant", yelled Simon.

"Why, why do you care, I thought you loved Rose", yelled Sandy crying now.

Aaron had begun whimpering in my arms so I rocked him. I looked into the little boys eyes and saw it. Martin. Aaron was Martin's because of those eyes alone. I used to look at them all the time so I know. I swallowed back the pain. "Ruthie, calm down". I said this line numerous times to myself.

"I made a mistake, so did you. So what do we do about it?" asked Sandy trembling.

Simon reached out and tucked a strand behind her ear.

"Please don't cry, I hate to see you cry", whispered Simon pulling her into his arms.

He laid his chin on her forehead.

"What are we going to do?" asked Sandy.

"Get Married", said Simon brushing the tears from her eyes.

"Marry me", said Simon shocking not only me but Sandy as well.

She just nodded her head.

There you have it that's how my brother married Sandy. Everyone was shocked but accepted it. What exactly could they have done? So that beautiful day my brother married Sandy instead of Rose. Now I am on my way to Scotland to study. I scared because I have never really been away from home except when I visited Mary and Carlos. Oh did I mention that they were back together again and that she was pregnant. Yeah it's shocking I tell you. Mary does have this way of keeping us all on our toes.

You are probably wondering about if I went out with that Scottish boy. Actually I did. I had fun really. It's been a while since I had that much fun but it wasn't there. You know what I'm talking about; that chemistry, that passion that most relationships needs. It just wasn't there. He knew it and so did I, besides my going away to Scotland well it wouldn't have worked out anyway. So now here I am at the airport saying good bye to everyone. My mom and dad are giving me the lectures about safety. They are typical parents. Mom is crying now.

"Ruthie I'm going to miss you", whispered Annie.

Matt my older brother is here too. He came home with a surprise of his own. Sara and he are expecting their first child together and that they were moving back to Glenoak to practice medicine. Mom and dad were over the roof about that one. Mary also laid down some shocking news. Yup Mary went back to college. She is studying to be a social worker. Shocking I know. But my parents are also excited about that. You could see it in their faces. They finally are getting the Mary that they always wanted; The Mary that everyone knew that she could be. I am proud of her too. I smile when I see Sandy and my brother. He is smiling like crazy. You are wondering what happen to Rose. Well she went back and actually married her ex-boyfriend. That Italian guy. Whatever.

"Have a great trip little sister", said Simon.

"Thanks". Sandy came up to me next.

"Thank you", said Sandy.

"For What?"

Now I'm confused why is she thanking me?

"For being you, you stepped aside even though you loved him. You encouraged me to go after Simon and now he is my husband. I know my presence has not been easy for you but yet you accepted me in your life. I told him to come and see you off", said Sandy looking at me.

You all know who he is. My supposed best-friend. The boy that I love. Or shall I say loved. You are probably rolling your eyes saying you still love him. I guess I do in a sense but the pain is too over bearing sometimes. I just look at Sandy with a face of indifference and say.

"It doesn't matter Sandy, he stopped being a part of my life long time ago". Sandy looked shocked but knew not to say a word.

Simon looked on worried. I just shook my head and he understood that Martin was not something that I wanted to or could talk about. It hurt too much even now.

You probably think it's because he left. No it's more than that. He left our friendship. He never called, wrote, anything. I sent him emails and yet he never responded. It hurts I tell you to be in love with someone that is not in love with you but it hurts more to know that you lose your best-friend all at that same time.

Everyone has left me because they Sandy and Simon have to go on their honeymoon. Our parents paid for a nice trip for them to Saint Martin's. Lucy and Kevin have told us the sex of their babies. Yes I said babies. She is having twins. Two little boys that are probably going to drive them up the wall. Now they are on their way to the church. There is a fundraiser going on. Mom and Dad wanted to wait with me but I told them that it wasn't necessary. They left but they weren't happy about it. I sat down in the waiting area. I looked down at the book I was reading when I felt a tap on my shoulders. I looked up to see a beautiful girl about my age.

"Is this where you wait for the plane to Scotland?" asked the girl.

I nodded my head.

"Veronica", she said.

"Ruthie", I answered.

"Nice to meet you", said the girl.

I never knew that when I met this girl my life was going to change. I wasn't going to come home after Scotland. No I wasn't. Me Ruthie Camden was going to be a rock star. Yup you heard me. My life was going to change forever after I boarded that plane but it changed before that too.

There he was. He was standing less than ten feet away from me with his arms hanging at his sides. I couldn't speak. It had literally been months since I last saw him or even spoken to him. My heart was pounding. He was still as sexy as ever. His brown hair and eyes and his amazing body. He still had that effect on me. He made me want him but I knew that I couldn't. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of watching me pine over him. Not this time. This time I was going to be strong. He is now standing in front of me. I have not said a word to him. I know that that Veronica girl is looking at us but I can't seem to move.

"Hey".

That's what he says to me after all this time. I had to curb my anger.

"What are you doing here".

"Sandy told me you were leaving".

"Yeah, but that doesn't explain to me what you are doing here".

"Because we stop being friends long time ago. You didn't give a damn about me before why now?".

He looked shocked but sighed in defeat.

"Ruthie I".

He was going to give me some dumb excuse. I didn't want to hear it, the pain was back and I couldn't breath. He was making it hard to breath.

"You know what save it Martin. I don't even care to know. Just go home".

He looked at me with hurt eyes but the pain in my heart was to great fro me to actually give a damn. I turn my back to him then I heard them calling for my flight. He whispered gently in my ear.

"I'm sorry, so sorry".

I didn't even look at him I felt the tears coming to my eyes. I turned around to face him. He flinched back at the pain he saw, the pain he caused. I reached out and touched his cheeks. I shocked him and myself at what I did next I leaned in a gave him a gently kiss on the lips. I pulled back to see his eyes closed.

"I'm sorry too and I love you".

He knew what I meant. I turned around once more picked up my bags and walked towards the airplane. I never looked back. I never saw the tear slip down his checks. I never saw him trembling. I never saw any of that. This time it was me who walked away. It was him that had to deal. I was going to begin the summer of a lifetime. I never new what await me. I never knew what I left behind either.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** All the songs that are being used are from Kelly Clarkson. I think her album captures what I want Ruthie to feel throughout the fic. I hope you are enjoying this. Thanks again for the reviews. Tell me what you think about this chapter. the next couple of chapters I started writing but it's on paper i have to type it up. Anyway enjoy.

"How's everyone doing out here tonight", yelled Veronica into the microphone.

I looked at my best-friend. She was an amazing best-friend throughout the years. Now I'm 20 years old. That's right. It's been four years. A lot has change in my life. After I reached Scotland I fell in love with the place. It was this amazing place. Anyway on the plane I found out that I was sitting next to Veronica. We got to talking and we found out that we were in the same summer program and were both preachers daughters. Anyway it was during that trip that I found my calling. Yes my little Ruthie from Glenoak is a singer. I pretty good one too. Right now I'm on my second world tour. Right now we are in New York and tomorrow we will be going to my hometown. I haven't really been home in a while. I know it's wrong but I couldn't really go home after that airport thing happened. I know it's wrong but I couldn't help it. Martin killed me that day. I'm still not over it. But he has been my inspiration for many of my songs. Everything I write it about him. He doesn't know because I haven't talked to him in four years. Every time he was around I made sure I wasn't.

"New York, how you doing", yelled Veronica smiled at me.

She knows everything and she has been there for me. She held me as I cried, she ate ice cream with me on my depressing days. She encouraged me to write my first song.

"I'm going to sing our first hit".

I closed my eyes and sang the song that I first wrote with Veronica's help. It was about me in every way. People loved it. It was actually our number one hit. I had told my family to watch this concert. MTV was actually showing it.

**Grew up in a small town  
And when the rain would fall down  
I'd just stare out my window  
Dreaming of what could be  
And if I'd end up happy  
I would pray**

"Oh my god, it started already, there is Ruthie", said Lucy smiling.

"My god, she looks great", said Kevin.

"There is our little girl", said Annie with a proud smile on her face. 

Trying hard to reach out  
But when I tried to speak out  
Felt like no one could hear me  
Wanted to belong here  
But something felt so wrong here  
So I'd pray  
I could break away

I never knew that Martin was watching me that night. I never knew that because everyone knew not to tell me. They must have found out what I said to him at the airport that afternoon because they never mentioned him around me. I have been home don't get me wrong. I even saw Sandy and Simon. She is pregnant actually. Simon just finished Law School and he got a job so he is doing alright. They both are. Little Aaron is as adorable as ever. He holds a special place in my heart. That little boy could eat you alive with his eyes. The eyes that are so similar to Martin. I got to stop thinking about him like this. It hurts to think about him. Veronica grabbed my hand and sang along with me. Me and her are actually a duet called RV. We have had 6 number 1 hits. I was shocked the first time I actually heard our song on the radio. Me and Veronica was getting ready to actually to do our first big show and we heard it on the radio. The screams could not be contained. My god in my life I never felt that way. To have a number 1 hit did things to me. 

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.  
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.  
Make a wish, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away.  
Out of the darkness and into the sun.  
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.  
I'll take a risk, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away

I looked out to the audience as I sang the lyrics. This was by far my favorite song. I loved it because I wrote it when I was in a bad place. I know that sounds crazy but it gave me my first hit. Our first album was a long letter to Martin. I don't know if he knows but it was.

**  
Wanna feel the warm breeze  
Sleep under a palm tree  
Feel the rush of the ocean  
Get onboard a fast train  
Travel on a jetplane  
Far away  
And break away  
**

It's been amazing ride really. Our next stop is my home town. I never had a concert there. But our manager TJ thought it would be a great way to promote this new album we have. Did I also mention that I learned to play the guitar. Yup, I'm actually good at it too. It was amazing to learn and it actually kept me more interested in ever facet of music. I love learning about music. I learned the piano as well.

**  
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.  
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.  
Make a wish, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away.  
Out of the darkness and into the sun.  
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.  
I'll take a risk, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away**

"Oh Eric, this is my favorite song", said Annie singing along with Ruthie and Veronica on the TV.

Eric smiled at his wife. Everyone was in the living room watching Ruthie perform on MTV.

"It's mine too, that whole album, I loved it. I never knew that Ruthie could write music. But most of the songs were written by her", said Sarah smiling as her three year old son sat on her lap staring at his Aunt Ruthie. 

Buildings with a hundred floors  
Swinging with revolving doors  
Maybe I dont know where they'll take me  
Gotta keep movin on movin on  
Fly away  
Break away

"Does he know?", asked Eric looking at Sandy.

He had grown to love the girl. Sandy was his daughter-in-law. Her and Simon made a perfect match and now they were expecting their first child together. Aaron was like a grand-child to him as well. IN fact Aaron called him grandpa.

"Yeah he does, he told me that he wouldn't watch but I know that he is. He loves her", said Sandy sadly.

She often felt that it was her fault that Martin and Ruthie weren't together.

"It's not your fault, it never was", said Simon looking at his wife.

Sandy nodded her head but she still felt like it was. 

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.  
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye  
Take a risk, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away.  
Out of the darkness and into the sun.  
But I won't forget the place I come from  
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,  
Make a change, and break away  
Breakaway  
Break away

Right now the crowd is loving it. Remember how I told you I was in a bad place when I wrote the album. Well there are a couple of songs about him, about me hating him. He got me so mad. I couldn't not write about that anger too. Veronica was there when I lay down the lyrics to say she was shocked was an understatement. She told me that she never wanted to be on my bad side. But she knew that I had to. The record label loved them. Those songs defined me. I was the girl that had her heart broken and that appealed to so many girls. My songs were painful to sing sometimes but it also was a relief.

"I know you guys are loving this but I can't hear you. I want you to scream". They did too. I love my audience.

"I think you know this one", said Veronica as she looked at me and winked.

When the opening chords came on, the audience went crazy.

**Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything felt so right  
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe**

The audience loved this song. You could see the girls nodding their head in agreement.

**  
No I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on**

"God this song just does something to me", said Sarah looking at Ruthie on stage.

"Does he know it's about him?", asked Annie.

Sandy shook her head.

"I don't think so but he might. He would have to be stupid not to", replied Sandy.

"God she is so hurt", said Matt.

Everyone nodded their head.

"I never knew the extent of her pain. She wrote this song not Veronica right?", asked Kevin.

"Yeah it says here that she did, but Veronica helped her too", said Matt showing them the cd jacket. 

Here I am  
Once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it  
Can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together but so broken up inside  
Cause I can't breathe  
No I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am  
Once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it  
Can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

Swollow me then spit me out  
For hating you I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No I don't cry on the outside  
ANYMORE!

Martin sat in his living room and argued with his self. He didn't want to watch but he couldn't help it. He missed her so much. She changed he knew that it was of him. It hurt to see her pouring out her pain to everyone like this. It hurt to know that he was the one that did it to her. He closed his eyes and sighed as he heard the words to her song. He played that song over and over in his mind. He brought the cd and he ready everything that was written in the cd jacket. He read her thank yous and almost could feel his heart pounding. He clearly could see it.

"And I thank the man that inspired me. He is the love of my life. He knows who he is"

Martin thought it was someone else at first but he couldn't deny it. He knew it was him. Sandy actually yelled at him for suggesting that it could be someone else. He could remember what she said.

"How could you think that she could love someone else. Ruthie Camden has been in love with you since she was 14 years old", said Sandy.

"14, please Sandy how do you know that?", asked Martin.

"Because I know, I know, because she looks at you like I look at Simon. It was love at first sight", said Sandy.

Martin sighed and sat down.

"She hates me Sandy. Did you hear the songs, I broke her heart", said Martin looking at the woman next to him.

"Yeah you did, but she still loves you, all that pain, all of that. You Martin, are her inspiration, the love of her life", said Sandy kissing his cheeks and walking out of his apartment.

**  
Here I am  
Once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it  
Can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes **

Here I am  
Once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it  
Can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

Martin got up after seeing her. He knew that she was coming to Glenoak. He had to get her back.

"I won't mess this up, I'll be with you. Ruthie nothing will stop me", Martin looking determined.

He reached over and dialed the phone number that will change everything.

I walked off the stage with Veronica trailing behind me. TJ walked up to me. Did I mention that he has this huge crush on me. I don't love him and I tell him this all the time but he has a heard time understanding that little fact.

"You did great", said TJ.

Veronica rolls her eyes before walking into the dressing room. She doesn't like TJ. She knows that we need him for our career but she said she doesn't like him and can't shake the feeling that he is evil. I had a good laugh at that but she completely looked serious.

"Baby you did good", said TJ reaching and kissing her gently on the mouth.

"TJ I told not to do that"

I hate when he clings to me. I won't change my mind. I can't give him my heart. My heart is too broken and to fragile right now.

"It's been three years baby doll", he says.

I hate that he reminds me all the time.

"I know but I won't change my mind".

"What is it about this guy that you can't let him go?", he asks.

He will never understand. He is in love with the idea of me. He thinks that we will be perfect because we are both in the music industry but that's the extent of what we have in common. I look at him and close my eyes.

"Why Ruthie, why can't you love me?", he asked. He has asked the million dollar question.

"Because I'm in love with someone else. He already has my heart".

I say this and I see the little hope that was there dim but still not diminish. He will never understand why I can't love him. He doesn't understand that I'm still in love with the boy next door. I'm still in love with the boy that followed me home. I'm still in love with the boy that broke my heart when he didn't love me back. I'm still in love and I will always be. It won't go away. It's a part of me. He is a part of me.

"Are you sure about this?", asked Simon.

The whole family was staring at Martin in awe.

"Yeah it's about time that I got up and went after her. I love her and it took me a long time to say it out loud. I won't lose her again", replied Martin.

Eric smiled.

"It's alright", said Veronica.

"No it will never be", I say to her.

I closed my eyes and feel the tears come to my eyes again. I sob in my best-friend's arms again. I could feel her hands running through my hair.

"I know you love him", said Veronica.

I look at her.

"When will it stop hurting?".

I ask her this. Not really expecting an answer but what she says shocks me to the core.

"Never, because Martin Brewer is your soul mate. They only come around once in a lifetime. He is your other half. Ruthie Camden. You are lucky, you found the one. People spend lifetimes trying to find that. But you got it. Don't forget him, don't let him go, don't let that pain go because it makes it more real. He is a part of your soul Ruthie. That's what the pain is your soul is crying out for his". She says this with a serious look on her face.

I look at her and cried.

"It's going to be alright. Soulmates always find their way back to each other at the end", whispered Veronica kissing my forehead.

I held my chest and tried to keep the pain for overwhelming me. Tears streamed down my face as a looked straight ahead. I could still feel her stroking my hair.

"Martin".

"Martin".

Those are the words that made my heart clench every time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** The song that Ruthie will be singing is I'm Kissing You by Des'ree from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. I love the song and I hope you look it up its really good. The other song that she will sing will be As I lay me down by Sophie Hawkins. Enjoy.

We were on our way to Glen Oak. I heard from TJ that the venue was sold out. It seems that the whole neighborhood was happy that I was coming home. Right now I am sitting on the tour bus and writing my latest song. I am almost done and I think I'm going to sing it tonight. Veronica told me that I would be singing the last song solo to an audience member she picked. We did that sometimes but we usually sang together. This was the first time I would be doing it alone.

"Yo what you writing", asked Veronica looking at my notebook.

I hand her the book. She scanned it.

"Ruthie this is amazing", whispered Veronica in awe.

"But this is outside our type of songs, this is not a hurting song this is a love song", said Veronica.

I nodded my head.

"I know, I thought about what you said last night, and well this song came to me".

Veronica nodded her head.

"Let me help", said Veronica.

I nodded my head once more.

"How about changing the word missing you to kissing you", suggested Veronica.

I looked at the song.

"That's perfect".

It was really perfect. I closed my eyes and started humming.

"I'm kissing you".

"I think it should be song with no heavy instruments maybe just a piano", suggest Veronica.

"What?"

She couldn't possible expect me to sing it alone. It was hard for me. I sound great with a guitar and drums but by myself.

"Yes, your voice Ruthie is amazing. You sing with your whole heart and I think this song should be sung pure with no accompaniment, Ruthie I think the song will be amazing", said Veronica looking at me.

I was still not convinced but she looked at me with those eyes and I knew there was no way to convince her that I can't do this. Veronica always believed that I could do anything. Like I was the strongest person in the world when I knew I wasn't. I was just this scared little girl with a broken heart sometimes.

"I'll play the piano with you so you wouldn't be alone singing to the audience member", suggested Veronica.

"How do you figure that I'm going to sing this to the audience member?".

"This is the song Ruthie, this song should have been on our album, to bad, maybe we could still release it as a single", said Veronica.

"It's not even done".

"It will be, this song is amazing Ruthie. Let's sing it together", said Veronica.

I nod head. I close my eyes and let the words wash over me. I see the face that pops up in my head. My heart is racing. I see him so clearly. I know that I will never be over him. It hurts sometimes. But this song is just another in the long list of songs about him. I hear Veronica's voice with mine. We do make a great team. She stops singing though and I continue. I didn't know that everyone on the bus stopped and was looking at me. I never noticed the look on TJ's face when he saw me singing. Veronica smiled at me and took hold of my hand.

"Sing with your heart Ruthie Camden", said Veronica into my ears.

I continued to sing my song. The lyrics moved me. I loved this song. It wasn't about heart attack really it was about trying to heal for me.

"Pass me that keyboard Kenny", I hear Veronica say.

I continue to sing and I hear the music to my lyrics as Veronica began to play it on the small keyboard that we had in the bus. It was perfect.

"Add a solo".

Veronica nodded her head.

"I think that we need I little guitar on that", said Kenny adding his solo.

I smile and continue to sing. I could hear it. It was perfect. When I'm about to end the song I only hear Veronica playing with my song. It ends and I hear an uproar.

"Oh my god", said Kenny.

The other band members are in awe.

"That's a hit", said TJ looking at both girls.

I laugh when Veronica rolls her eyes.

"That song has to be played tonight", said Jimmy another band member.

He played the drums.

"To the audience member", said Veronica smiling.

I saw something in her eyes but I couldn't place it. It was gone before I blink again.

"Alright. We have to practice though".

Everyone groaned. I know how mush they hate practicing.

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

The tour bus pulls up to my childhood home. I close my eyes and sigh. I haven't been home in a while. I miss it.

"You ready", asked Veronica looking concerned.

I nod my head yes.

"I miss it, I should come home more you know".

I say this to her and I see her nod her head and lean her forehead against mine.

"I know I miss them too and they are not really my family", said Veronica.

Did I mention that Veronica doesn't have any family. Her mother died and her father left her. Her aunt had been taking care of her all this time. And Veronica has made it her mission to give her aunt back everything that she has done for her. She brought her aunt a large house and a new car. She made sure that her aunt would never be left wanting. I met her aunt Kelly. She is like the coolest person ever. I loving going to her house. She is so cool.

"Mom, Dad, Lucy".

I could hear the footsteps.

"Ruthie", yelled my mother.

I run to her and hug her tightly. I missed my mother. I talk to her on the phone but it just isn't the same you know.

"Daddy".

Eric Camden my dad hasn't change. I could see the tears in his eyes. My dad is not macho, he is kind and sensitive and the kind of man I would love to be married to. I love my dad.

"Ruthie your home", said Eric.

I could feel the tears against my shirt. I'm trying my best not to cry myself.

"Well can I get some love to", I hear Veronica say behind me.

"Oh Veronica honey, come in", I hear my mother say but I still haven't let go of my father.

"Hey Annie, it's good to see you", said Veronica smiling and hugging my mother.

I let go of my dad and I see Veronica hug him.

"Eric, it's good to see to", said Veronica.

Veronica is like part of the family now. IN fact she was the one the convinced my parents to let my record my first album. I wasn't 18 years old in fact I had just turned 17 and I need parental consent. She say with my parents and I don't' know how she did it but she convinced my parents to let me record.

I spent the whole afternoon with them and Sam and David that have grown so much since the last time I saw them. I look at my home. Did I mention that I brought it for my parents. Yes I did. I was going to buy them a large house but they said they loved their home so I brought it for them from the church it was my Christmas present to them. I never saw my mom cry so much. I walk up to my old room in the attic. That place was like coming home. It was still the same way that I left it. Mom told me that she couldn't bare changing it. I was her last daughter and she had a hard time letting me go. I walk over and gently touch my dresser. I remember everything about this room. I remember living here with Lucy. I remember it all. I walk over to my bed and sit down. I lay back down and close my eyes. I'm just so tired. I must have fallen asleep because I felt someone shaking my awake.

"Hey Ruthie we have to get a move on, the concert is in two hours and we have to do a soundcheck and all that", said Veronica smiling down at me. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and sit up.

"What time is it?".

"About a quarter to six", she replies.

"Wow I was asleep for that long?" I ask her.

She nods her head.

"I didn't wake you because I knew that you were tired", she said smiling.

I get up and follow her. I see my parents already dressed up. I smile at them when I see their outfits. They were trying to be cool. I do love them.

"You guys seem ready".

My mother smiles.

"I'm going to see my baby perform at our hometown. I'm so excited. Lucy walks in then. "Ruthie", she squeals.

She had been out when I came and then I fell asleep so I didn't get to see her.

"Hey Luce", I say smiling as she starts talking a mile a minute. Veronica is mildly amused.

She told me that she loves my family but they were a little off the wall sometimes. I agree they were but I love them.

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

"Once more", yelled TJ.

"TJ its fine, we need to rest our voices", snapped Veronica glaring at our manager.

Veronica and him had been fighting ever since we got here and I wonder what in the world is going on. I mean I know they never got along before but the open hostility they were showing wasn't something that I ever saw in the four years we have been working together. TJ glared at her before stalking off. I could see her sighing.

"Okay what in the world is going on?".

I see her look at my then look down. I know she is going to give me some bullshit answer.

"Don't lie to me".

Veronica sighed.

"He doesn't like who I picked for the audience member", said Veronica.

This was about the audience member.

"Okay I don't understand".

"He wanted to pick the person but I chose them and our dear manager hates not being in control", she says.

I know there is more to the story but I let it go. I know that there is some truth to the story because TJ hates not have a say in everything. I see Veronica stalk to where he was and I hear yelling before I hear Veronica yell something along the lines about him being a control before stalking back to the stage area. I sigh once more and sat down on the edge of the stage.

"Penny for your thoughts?", asked a voice behind me.

"Simon". I ran to him and hugged my older brother tightly.

"Ruthie", I hear him say.

"How's my baby sister?", asked Simon smirking.

"I'm not a baby anymore Simon".

I say this rolling my eyes.

"You will always be my baby sister".

I mockingly say this with him. He rolls his eyes.

"So where is Sandy?".

"Oh they are getting ready for my little sister's big rock concert", said Simon teasingly.

I roll my eyes.

"Shut up". He laughs.

"Well I'll see you in a few".

I nod my head before hugging me. I close my eyes and sigh once more. This is an important concert to me because it would be the first time I ever played at home.

I never knew that this night would forever be imprinted in my mind.

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

"How are you doing Glen Oak", I yell this in the microphone with Veronica smiling next to me. I hear the cheers so loudly in my ears.

"It's good to be home".

This makes them yell more.

"Our next song was one of my favorites growing up".

Veronica looks confused for a minute before a look of recognition comes to her face. She tells the band what song and they smile. It was an old cut from Dawson's Creek. I loved that song so much and I used to hum it all the time on the tour bus driving them insane.

It felt like springtime on this February morning  
In the courtyard birds were singing your praise  
I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright  
I carried them with me today, Now

(chorus) As I lay me down to sleep  
This I pray  
That you will hold me dear  
Though I'm far away  
I'll whisper your name into the sky  
And I will wake up happy

I close my eyes as I hear the audience singing along with me. I hear Veronica singing too. I do love this song. It is a song that represents my youth, my innocence.

I wonder why I feel so high  
Though I am not above the sorrow  
Heavy hearted  
Till you call my name  
And it sounds like church bells  
Or the whistle of a train  
On a summer evening  
I'll run to meet you  
Barefoot barely breathing

I open my eyes to see my whole family in the front row smiling at me. I wink at Veronica and she also smiles. I walk down to where the audience is. I hear the screams. Veronica is on the other side of the stage with her microphone greeting the audience like I did. I hug my parents and my brother and sisters. I see Matt smiling big at me. They all knew how much I loved that song. They all knew what it meant to me.

(repeat chorus)

It's not too near for me  
Like a flower I need the rain  
Though it's not clear to me  
Every season has its change  
And I will see you  
When the sun comes out again

(repeat chorus)

I walked back to the stage to end the song. The whole audience loved it. I greeted most of the people in the first couple of rows. Some girls scream and yelled so excited to see me. It is sometimes a surreal feeling to be admired like that. I hear the audience singing with me. I see my family singing too. I look at Sandy that was surprised that I hug her. I whispered into her ears that I loved because she was family. She smiled at me and sang along with the song. Everyone is waving their hand back and forth with my and Veronica. I felt great. This was the best feeling in the world and I wouldn't change it for the world. I played a couple of songs before the last song of the night. I was nervous because it was a new song and we didn't practice so much. Veronica hugged my thought and told me that it would be alright.

"GlenOak it's almost done", said Veronica.

She smiled when she heard the audience groan.

"This last song, while be a solo of Ruthie's. It's not a song you could find on the album, in fact it's a new song. She is going to sing it to one of you lucky audience members", said Veronica.

I laugh when I hear the screams.

"I already picked the person out.

"Hit the lights", said Veronica.

I looked at her confused. Why was she asking for the lights to be shut off. I moved to the front with the microphone in my hands. I could just barely see the outline of the person that Veronica made sit in the seat. It was a guy that much I could tell. She walked to the piano.

"Ready Glen Oak".

They screamed. I close my eyes.

Pride can stand, a thousand trials,  
The strong will never fall  
But watching stars without you,  
My soul cried.

I sang the first verse and it was so silent. Everyone was looking at my in awe. I turned around and walked towards the person seated in the chair. It was then that the lights turned on. I gasped and step back like I was hit with a truck. It was him. It was him. I kept repeating in my head. I knew that I had to sing. I looked at Veronica and saw her give me the signal to continue. Martin sat before me looking at me. I felt the tears coming to me eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen. I know the audience could see me. They could see the tears in my eyes. They probably thought it was part of the song or something. They never knew the torment that I was going through.

Heaving heart is full of pain,  
Oh, oh, the aching.  
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.  
I'm kissing you.

I stand next to him and looking at him in the eyes. I could see the anguish in his eyes also. I could see the tears in his eyes. I killed me. The pain was so visible on his face as it was on mine. I don't know what came over me but I took his hands making him stand up. He stood before me looking down at my face as I sang and cried out my song. He pulled my closer to his body and we swayed back and forth. I know for a fact that he could feel my trembling.

Touch me deep, pure, and true,  
Gift to me forever  
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.  
I'm kissing you.

I tilt my head up and feel the tears that he had been crying fall gently down my face. I could taste the salty tears as they reached my lips gently. I held his hand tighter and felt him lean his head against mine. I close my eyes then. I could feel him stroking my hair. I felt everything. I felt his body against mine. I felt the small tremors from his tears. I felt him kissing my forehead. I knew he felt my tears against his shirt collar. I never saw the reaction of the audience. They were crying with me. They didn't understand everything that was going on but they somehow felt my pain. The pain I knew that was in my voice.

I look up at him to see his eyes closed and tears streaming down his face. I gently cupped his face and wiped them gently. But they kept coming. I cried too. The tears didn't stop flowing down my face. I made him look at me. He could see the pain in my face. I felt like I going to fall on the ground. He held my waist as I sobbed out the rest of the song. I could hear the Veronica's solo and I clutched his shirt trying to hold on. I felt like falling and he seem to be the only one with the ability to keep that form happening. The last verse came up. I looked him directly in the eye and gave him my all. I gave him my love in this song. I knew it was coming. He leaned down and I lifted my head up. Our lips touched gently at first and then it consumed us. I heard my heart beat as well as his beat at the same time. Was that possible for two people's hearts to beat at the same time. Then I remember Veronica's words.

_Because Martin Brewer is your soul mate. They only come around once in a lifetime. He is your other half. Ruthie Camden. You are lucky, you found the one. People spend lifetimes trying to find that. But you got it. Don't forget him, don't let him go, don't let that pain go because it makes it more real. He is a part of your soul Ruthie. That's what the pain is your soul is crying out for his. _

Where are you now?  
Where are you now?  
'Cause I'm kissing you.  
I'm kissing you, oh.

I pulled back and did the only thing that I could. I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I could hear the audience's confusion. I could see my family trying to run after me but that just made run faster. I could hear Veronica's voice yelling out my name. But most of all I could hear the sob of pain that Martin gave when I ran from him. I didn't see him fall to the ground on his knees and sob. I ran faster until I got tired and then I fell to the ground clutching my chest in pain. I let out a sob and then a wail of pain. I knew I was coward. I am scared. Martin Brewer owned my soul and I was scared.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Author's Note:** Hey all glad for all the reviews do enjoy them. The song being played in this chapter is Faith Hill Breathe. I love that song. This chapter is actually a little angst free but that won't last long. I'm not much of an angst write but I will put a little drama here and there throughout the story. This story won't be a very long one. I don't want to drag it out. Maybe 10 to 15 chapters max. Anyway hope you enjoy. Peace.

I was crying so hard that I didn't hear the footsteps behind me.

"Ruthie Camden get your ass up right now", said Veronica glaring at me.

I lifted my eyes up with tears in them but she didn't even have any sympathy.

"Get up right this minute", yelled Veronica grabbing my hands to pull me up.

"No I can't".

"Stop this shit right now. Martin is sobbing on stage in front of thousands of people, because the love of his life is a damn coward", yelled Veronica.

"Get up, stop running from him, you have been doing it since you were 14 years old. Instead of being with the man that holds your heart you run as usual. I hate to admit it, you running always make our best hits but this has got to stop", yelled Veronica.

I could see the anger on her face.

"He hurt me so much. Sometimes I couldn't breathe. It hurts so much; it still hurts that he would give himself to someone else, that he would be willing to give himself to someone that he wasn't in love with. How do I know that he is in love with me or just settling?"

I ask her this and she got angrier. I actually could see her cheeks burn red with anger.

"You are a selfish little girl. That man loves you with everything in his soul. He called me to ask to be put up on stage tonight. He wants to be with you forever. Do you understand that? He is your soul-mate. That's why me and TJ don't get along; he doesn't see what is right in front of him. It's so clear. To be in the same room as both of you, you feel the chemistry, its like kismet. Ruthie Camden you are my best-friend and I'm tired of having this discussion with you. Now it's up to you, are you willing to forgive him? Really forgive him. He is human he makes mistakes. He made a mistake and he has paid for it tenfold. It's time Ruthie. I don't know why you are fighting it? He already has your heart and soul, now he only needs you physically. I'm not talking only about only sex; he needs to be able to hold you, to take care of you. To love you fully", said Veronica.

She wipes the tears from my eyes as I look at her. I'm trembling. I know I am. Can I really forgive? That's always been the problem. I never could forgive him. It has always been the problem. He broke me that night he told me. It wasn't about him giving himself to another woman, I mean that hurt but no it was that fact that he never told me. He could tell everyone but he couldn't trust me. He couldn't give me his heart and soul. I told Veronica that and she actually looked like she was going to laugh.

"How did you expect him to tell you? He knew he would lose you that night. He did, didn't he? He lost you, he felt it. He felt the connection go away. How did you expect him to tell you, the love of his life, that he made a mistake so large that it would ruin any chance that you and he had together. He knew he would lose you", replied Veronica.

I looked at her.

"How do you know all of this?"

I ask her this and she smiles at me.

"Martin and I talk all the time. He had called one night when we were on our first tour. I was surprised and angry and yelled at him for hurting my best-friend. He calmed me down and explained everything. He explained how he feels for you. Why he went to Sandy in the first place. How he was mortified to know that he made such a big mistake and that he lost you. How he felt so much pain from losing you. He had begun drinking Ruthie", said Veronica.

I gasp and look her in the eye.

"Drinking?"

I ask her looking for some confirmation that it wasn't true.

"It's true; it took him a year to clean up his act. NO one knew about it. It was good at hiding his feelings as you know. I set him up with AA. I couldn't let him destroy his life. My parents died you know that. I never told you it was from my father drinking. He got in the car with my mother and ran them off the road. It destroyed me. He and I got to talking and I would tell him what we were doing on tour. How you were doing on tour because that's all he asked about. He even learned all about the music business. He even got us a couple of gigs. He made a few phone calls. He learned for you. Ruthie, if you don't believe him, believe me, that man loves you. He thinks that he doesn't have a chance. What I'm asking now is, does he?" asked Veronica.

I look at her surprised by everything that she told me. My parents didn't know about this. Martin was destroying himself. I know it. I could feel it. When I would get these pangs of hurt, I would ignore it. Veronica was right. He is my soul-mate. I never asked about him because I was too scared of the answer. I know that Veronica is not telling me everything. I know it's worse then she is saying. I get up and walk back. It's time I stop running. I enter backstage and I hear yelling. I look and I gasp at the sight.

"You ruined my artist. It's always about you aint it. You broke her and you come back for more", yelled TJ.

"I I god", said Martin looking on the floor.

"It's your fault, it's always been your fault", yelled TJ.

"Stop it".

I hear Simon yell back at TJ. I could see the anger on his face.

"He is right Simon, I destroyed her, and it's my fault. I shouldn't have asked Veronica for help. I shouldn't have thought that I could win her back and that all would be great that we would finally be happy together. I was a fool to think that she would want me after all I have done to her. He is right Simon. I'll leave her alone now. She doesn't want me to be around her anymore. She hates me. He songs say it, I know it", said Martin trembling.

I look at him and feel the tears come to my eyes. How could he say that? I watch him trembling.

"Martin", says Simon.

"No, you all have been kind to me and accept my faults but she can't and I can't force her to love me", said Martin as he picked up his bag and started walking out.

"Don't you think that you should have thought of that before? You killed her and why in the world would she want damaged goods", sneered TJ.

I actually flinch as see the plain hurt pass over Martin's face.

"Stop it now", growled my father.

I never have seen my father so angry at anyone before. My whole family is seething. I could see the hurt on Martin's face and the defeat as well. He must think that whatever TJ said was true. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I look at Veronica's eyes and I could tell that she heard everything by the anger radiating off of her. She begins to walk towards TJ but I stop her. She looks at my confused before I start walking toward them myself.

"Don't you dare".

I growl this out loud. Everyone looked at me. Martin still hasn't lifted his head. I felt like dying. The Martin I know has always been this extremely strong person. Stubborn actually was the word I would use.

"You open you mouth about my business, you know nothing about him or me and the fact that you would spill out that garbage makes me cringe. How dare you".

By now I'm yelling. I could see Martin leaving the room and me turning around grabbing his arm. His head shots up and he looks directly in my eyes. I could see the pain and anguish there. I almost lose any sense of control.

"Martin Brewer is the man I love; he is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life loving. He inspired me in ways that you have no idea about".

I say this to TJ all the time still looking into Martin's eyes. It was time I stop running.

"Every song, every emotion, which I sang on that stage, was about him. Yes he hurt me but he loved me too. God, he loves me and that makes my stomach flutter and my hands start to sweat. I feel like I'm on this rollercoaster. Martin is my soul-mate. I know it everyone does. I think you know it too".

I say this and finally look at TJ. I could see the anger radiating off of him.

"I never gave you any indication that I didn't love him that he was damaged goods. How dare you call him that?"

I could feel my anger rise again. I look at TJ and anger makes its way to the surface.

"He has also been stealing from us", said Veronica glaring.

My head snaps up at that.

"What?"

"Yeah I found these documents this morning. He had funneling money from our account. He has cost us millions", said Veronica.

My anger can't be stopped.

"You son of a bitch. Now I know why you wanted to get close to me. It was to steal my money. You will be hearing from our lawyer. You messed with the wrong person. I will have you fried for this. How could you?"

I actually could feel the tears coming to my eyes. This man was supposed to be our manager, a person we could trust and he had been stealing from us.

"You are fired".

"You can't fire me you are under contract", said TJ with a smug look on his face.

"Yes she can, you broke contract, and you took more from them then was yours. So yes she can", said Martin looking at TJ.

I could feel my heart flutter at him. There was my Martin, my strong Martin. TJ's eyes widen at that. I could feel the anger coming from him.

"He is going to break you as always, don't come crying to me when he knocks up another whore", yelled TJ.

I saw Sandy flinch. Simon's eyes widen and the anger was visible.

"Get out", yelled Veronica with her finger pointed to the door.

"You are no longer wanted, shoot you were never wanted", yelled Veronica.

My mother and Father looked on with shock and dismay. Matt and Sarah walked in with Lucy and Kevin then.

"What is going on", asked Matt.

"I'm getting rid of some trash".

I say this glaring at my former manager. I could feel Martin behind me. I turn into his arms and hold him. I close my eyes. It's the safest place to be. Why didn't I realize this before? I could feel him running his fingers through my hair.

"You will be hearing form our lawyers, you thief", yelled Veronica.

"I'll be back, you can't make it without me", said TJ sneering.

"Yeah we can, with Martin as our manager", said Veronica.

I look at her then and she is smirking. Martin looks surprised.

"You are a better manager Martin, we need you", said Veronica.

"What does he know about the business?" yelled TJ.

He was jealous of Martin that was obvious.

"More then you know".

I answer him. I look up into Martin's eyes.

"Will you be my manager, and".

I start to say more but Veronica yelled something else at TJ. I knew she hate him but now I know it's for good reason. I know that Veronica is good at reading people. Its time I start I start trusting her instincts about everything. Martin is looking at me. My arms are wrapped around my waist. I know Veronica has ushered my family out of the room to give me and Martin some privacy. I look into his eyes. I didn't even notice that Veronica had but some music on. I would probably laugh at that later on. It's a Faith Hill song. She knows that I love Faith Hill especially her first album. Veronica never let me forget that I was a romantic at heart. I mean I wrote all these heart-break songs but I did write love songs too but I never showed anyone. I forget all these thoughts and concentrated on the man before me. All I saw was him. This was my man. Why didn't I believe that before?

**I can feel the magic floating in the air  
Being with you gets me that way  
I watch the sunlight dance across your face  
And I've never been this swept away  
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze  
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms  
The whole world just fades away  
The only thing I hear  
Is the beating of your heart  
**

I close my eyes.

"I love this song".

I whisper this softly. He hears me.

"I know, you love Faith Hill songs", he says this looking into his eyes.

I softly sing too. I reach up and wrap my arms his neck and his automatic goes to my waist. I leaning my head against his chest and sing with Faith Hill. I sing it to him as he sways us back and forth. I could feel his large hands spanning my waist. I feel that flutter again as I feel his fingers graze my back gently. It was like a butterfly touch against my skin. I was wearing a backless top so I could feel everything. His large hands are taking care of me right now. I close my eyes and let him sooth my soul. I could feel it again. Our hearts are beating as one once more.

**CHORUS:  
Cause I can feel you breathe  
It's washing over me  
And suddenly I'm melting into you  
There's nothing left to prove  
Baby, all we need is just to be  
Caught up in the touch  
Slow and steady rush  
Baby, isn't that the way that love's suppose to be  
I can feel you breathe **

I continue to sing the song. He holds me and runs his large hands against my back in a fluid motion. It send shiver down my back. I could feel him kiss my temple. I feel it. How could I not. It was there. It was home. He is home to me. The road, my house in Glen Oak, nope those are not home. Martin is home. I continue to sing to him.

**In a way I know my heart is waking up  
As all the walls come tumbling down  
Closer than I've ever felt before  
And I know, and you know  
There's no need for words right now **

I look up at him and sing directly to him like I did before. I see his eyes mist with water. He doesn't cry though but I do. He gently wipes them from my face. He cups my face much like he did onstage. I never noticed that my whole family is spying right now. I shouldn't be surprised though. I never hear Veronica state to them.

"Their souls have found each other".

I don't hear those words but I know they are true. I found my soul.

**CHORUS: **

I can feel the magic floating in the air  
being with you gets me that way...

"Ruthie", I hear him say.

His voice is husky and pain filled. I don't even listen to reason I grab his head and pull him down for a kiss. A kiss that I have been waiting years for. I could feel him wrapping his arms tighter around me. I could feel his fingers running through my hair. I feel him pull my up from the ground. My feet are no long touching the ground. They are never going to again. I feel like I'm floating. Martin Brewer is kissing me. I feel like a giddy school girl. I close my eyes and feel his soft lips against my mine. I could feel the swipe of his tongue against my bottom lip asking for permission to enter my mouth which I grant. He enters my mouth and I feel it throughout my body. This kiss rocked my world literally. He explored every corner of my mouth as I did with him. His mouth is so soft and warm. I clutch his shoulders tighter as he kisses me like a man starved. I could feel tears come to my eyes. It's beautiful. That's how I could describe it. He is beautiful. But us together, no words can describe that. I know we have to talk about everything. His drinking problems, my financial ones, him being our manager, his son, our lives together, but for now all I want is his kisses. We will worry about all that other stuff later. For now kissing Martin is what's important. My soul mate has come home.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

**Author's Note**: the song being played in this chapter is from the Instant Star Soundtrack called Criminal by Alexz Johnson. You should check that show out. It's awesome and the songs are amazing. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

I held onto Martin as the song ended. I looked up at him at the end of the song. I knew we had a lot to talk about. He knew it as well.

"Would you like to get a cup of coffee".

I asked him this looking at him the eye hoping he would say yes. Many are wondering why I'm so nervous but you have to understand that the conversation that we are about to have will be a difficult one. I mean it's hard to understand, I mean its not everyday that the love of your life that one that hurt you the most wants to have a conversation with you. I know that I'm paranoid or whatever but I'm scared something else will keep us apart from one another. It's one of my biggest fears actually. I know it's silly but I get this feeling that if I give him my heart if I put my heart on the line one more time I'll get my heart broken again like last time. I feel like this fool you know every time I think about how I acted before and after finding out that Martin was going to be a father. It was a difficult situation that oftentimes made me cringe. I cried for him all the time. I couldn't see past y pain and I don't want to go back to that place again. I don't want my happiness to solely depend on him. I love him god I do, but I don't think I could stand to have my heart broken again it was already broken once and I don't think I could have it broken again. But I guess I have to start believing that he won't hurt me again like that. I'm not crazy enough to think that we won't have our share of problems but I know that he can't hurt like that again; that he won't hurt me like that again. Martin nodded his head grabbing my hand and walking with me towards the exit. We went to a little café and sat down waiting to be served.

"So", he said looking at me.

I give him a shy smile. Why after all this time I'm still nervous about being around him.

"Yeah Ruthie I know we have to talk about the past five years it's just I don't want to ruin this", said Martin pointing back and forth from himself to myself.

I know what he meant but we had to talk about everything. I didn't want there to be anything that could hurt us in the long run. The waitress placed the two cups of coffee before smiling at me.

"Aren't you part of the group RV?", asked the skinny blond waitress.

"Yes I am", I answered softly.

"Can I have your autograph?", asked the girl smiling.

I sighed but nodded my head. I quickly scribbled her signature on the paper before handing it to the excited fan.

"You know I always knew you were famous but I never really thought about it until that girl asked for your autograph", he said this taking a sip his coffee.

"I know it's so surreal sometimes that these people recognize on the street and want to know every little detail about my life. It's sometimes overwhelming sometimes in a good way but sometimes the tabloids can be harsh you know".

I say this while playing with the foam in my latte.

"Yeah I know but they people that care about you never believes that any of those stories are true though", said Martin looking at her. I nod my head in agreement

"Do you love my Martin?".

I ask this after a long stretch of silence. I know I caught him off guard but I wanted him off guard when he answered I wanted his most honest answer without thinking about it.

"Yes", he answered.

I looked at him and smiled before pulling his hands into my mine. His hands are so much bigger than mine. He looked at me with those beautiful eyes of his and I melt. He always had that effect on me. It was something about this man in front of me that made me want to give him my heart.

"I love you so much Ruthie, I'm sorry I never told you that, that I never showed you that. When you left for Scotland, I knew that I had finally lost you. Even when I had moved to be closer to my son I still could find out how you were doing and who you were with. I knew that even though you were angry at me for leaving that you still cared but when you left that day I just felt the connection we had disappear. I felt it in my bones that that day would be the last time I would see you for a very long time. I died that day Ruthie. I went home and trashed the place. I hated myself more that day then I had ever did before. Then I did something I forever regretted", said Martin looking down at their intertwined hands.

"The drinking?".

I asked him this. He looked at my surprised before nodding his head.

"The alcohol numbed the pain. I couldn't feel anything; that feeling was way better in my mind then feeling our connection being severed. It hurt so much. I just wanted the pain to go away", he said looking into my eyes.

I could see the anguish there. I wanted to take his pain away. He dealt with his pain by drinking I dealt with it by writing hate songs towards him.

"I know what you mean. I got to Scotland and felt lost. I just wanted to bury the pain and I did for a long time. Then Veronica gave me some advice, she told me to express it. To write it down. I was so angry and hurt at the time that all those feelings turned into songs. I wanted you to hurt like I have been hurting Martin".

"I loved you so much and I hated you for not loving me back, for sleeping with Sandy, for giving her your body".

I could feel the tears coming then. I could see him cringe at what I said, but it had to be said. Martin nodded his head.

"I know I didn't want to hurt you but that's what I ended up doing anyway. I just was so scared of losing you", said Martin.

"You were my best-friend and I hated disappointing you. I knew that as soon as I told you I would lose you. I just wanted to hang on to you little bit longer", said Martin.

I look up at him finally understanding.

"But don't you get it, it hurt me so much more that everyone knew and me the girl you said was your best-friend was the last to know. I hurt so much because I knew that I lose you that day. I tried to convince myself that because you didn't want to involved that somehow you would realize that it was me you wanted. But you never got that. So when Aaron was born I made the decision to let you go. I told you it was okay, that I was okay. I told my whole family that I thought you and Sandy should get married so that Aaron would not be in a broken home. I lied so much. It caught up with me at night though. My heart couldn't take the fact that you were gone, that you were pat of something that I wasn't part of. That I wasn't part of my family again".

Martin looked at her.

"I cried every night Martin. I loved you and all I wanted was you. I wanted you to love me. Why couldn't you love me?".

I was crying now. He reached over and pulled me into his arms. I sobbed into his chest.

"God Ruthie I did love you, I do love you, don't you know that by now. It was a mistake to let you leave but also a blessing. Do you know how proud of you I am. I see you living out your dream and I'm so proud", said Martin.

I look at him making sure I keep eye contact.

"Being a rock star is amazing don't get me wrong but Martin that's not my dream".

He looks confused I know.

"My dream is you. Being loved by you, marrying you, having babies with you, and growing old with you; those are my dreams Martin".

He looked down at me and smiled. Before I knew it he pulled me against his chest and kissed so passionately.

"I love you".

I hear this softly against my ear before he goes back to kissing me once more. I never even saw the young woman that asked for my autograph snap a picture of me and Martin in an embrace. I never knew that she would sell that picture to the highest bidder either.

4 months later……………………….

"Hello Chicago", yelled Veronica into the microphone.

I smirk at her. The crowd always gets hyped up when you shout out their city.

"Hey all, I have a new song for you this time. I have been really inspired these last few months. I wanted to share it you, hit it boys".

I smile as I begin my song.

**I won't deny, I fake death  
Don't wanna lie I'm jaded  
I wanna scream,  
When inside I'm breaking down, mmm  
I've left the stone I was under  
I'm running home, you won't find her  
She walks alone,  
All through this broken town  
**

I looked into the ground and I felt like I was home. It was just perfect. I knew that many times in life you have these moments that define you. I never knew that after this concert that this statement would be more profound than ever.

**Going the wrong way down a one way street  
Where the feeling is criminal  
Nobody helps me out when I bleed  
Just look, look  
Looking for someone like me  
Where the feeling is mutual  
Can anybody see what I see?  
Cause I don't see me  
**

I looked at Veronica and smile. She was and will always be my best-friend. I was lucky that she is not going to be with me tomorrow. It couldn't lose her at all. She was in my blood. She was and will always be family.

**I'll blow away the ashes  
I'll clear his face, to look at it  
She stole my name,  
While I wait in lost and found, oh  
I found a place, where I'll keep you  
Cause I won't live through you or beneath you  
I'll walk this way,  
Where these winds wont bring me down **

I shift my attention to the man that is standing to the far left of the stage. I smile at him. He is more beautiful than I would imagine. Martin, my soulmate, my everything. Tomorrow he will be with me. We will be in for it. Tomorrow will change our lives. But we don't know that yet. He doesn't know like I don't know that survival of not only love but our lives will be tested.

**Going the wrong way down a one way street (this one way street)  
Where the feeling is criminal  
Nobody helps me out when I bleed  
Just look, look  
Looking for someone like me (look at me)  
Where the feeling is mutual  
Can anybody see what I see?  
Cause I don't see me **

Don't let me be  
Save it all, don't waste it on me  
Cause if I take a chance  
And if I hurt again  
And if I let you in,  
Could you be my reckoning?

I smile at him and he gives me a look that melts me. Veronica smirks. I'm happy at this moment in time. Martin and I have been working on our relationship. We are there. We are at this place were love is everything and it can't hurt us anymore. I love him. Ladies and gents I'm completely and utterly in love with Martin Brewer. I have been home more often to enjoy being part of my family. I even have spent more time with Aaron. He smiles at me and I see Martin. The little boy has held my heart for so long now that I can't imagine him not existing.

**Going the wrong way down a one way street (this one way street)  
Where the feeling is criminal  
Nobody helps me out when I bleed  
Just look, look  
Looking for someone like me (look at me)  
Where the feeling is mutual  
Can anybody see what I see?  
Cause I don't see me **

"Mom", yelled Lucy running into the room.

"It's Ruthie and Martin, their plane crashed", yelled Lucy screaming.

Annie fell to the ground.

"Eric", yelled Annie.

Eric Camden fell to his knees. His baby girl. She was gone.

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

"Where is Veronica?", asked Martin.

"Oh she said she is taking another flight. She met a guy."

I smile at him. I never knew when I boarded that plane that this trip would be a fight of life or death.

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"Flight 234 has gone down, the plane lost it's engine we have been told", said the Reporter.

"NO word yet on if there are nay survivors".

The whole Camden clan watched in horror as they saw the plane that Martin and Ruthie was on crash.

"Daddy", yelled Aaron. The little boy had tears running down his small face. He knew that his daddy might not be coming home ever.

Sandy tried to shield him but it was no use her sobs were so loud. Simon held his wife and his step-son but he took was consumed with pain.

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"Martin I'm scared, I don't know I just have a bad feeling about this flight".

I tell him this and he holds my hands trying to soothe me but I can't shake the feeling. I look out of the window and can't shake the feeling. It's consuming me.

"Ruthie?", asked Martin.

I lean my head against his chest. He kisses my forehead.

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"Two hundred passengers were aboard Flight 234 including rock star of singing duo RV, Ruthie Camden. Her band mate Veronica actually missed her flight.

"I should have gone with them, God why did this happen. Why them? They were so happy so very happy", cried Veronica.

Annie held onto the girl that was now in their living room. Her head was telling her that Martin and Ruthie were dead but her heart, god her heart wouldn't hear it

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"Martin", I scream this out loud when I feel the plane drop quickly.

He is looking at me panicked as well but he holds it in trying to calm me down. I hear the pilot come on the speaker. We are going down fast.

"Martin". I yell this again.

He holds me in his arms.

"Ruthie it's alright, I'm here, I'm here. I love you so much baby so much".

He says this and I could feel his tremors. I hold him tighter as the plane kept going down faster. I could hear people praying and people crying and some yelling. I was scared out of my mind. I could feel it going faster. I knew we were going to crash. Last thing I heard before the world went black, was the sweet voice my soul mate.

"I love you baby". And a slow and genlt kiss to my lips. I look him in his eyes.

I answered the only way I knew how.

"I love you too".

**A/N:** Don't kill me. Trust me, I will never let you down. Trust me. And please let me know what you think. I was going for dramatic. Tell me if I did it right. Peace.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**: Sorry guys that I took so long to update, I just been having crisis after crisis. I left you on a big cliffhanger and I'm sorry about that. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter even though its rather short and I promise I will try to update more often. Tell me what you think. Peace.

**Chapter 6**

"Ruthie", yelled Martin.

He looked around the whole plane was underwater as far as he could tell. There were passengers screaming and others dead. He knew it he could smell the flesh of the bodies. He wanted to throw up but he couldn't he had to find Ruthie. Martin trudged though the water that seemed to have made it way into the first-class compartment. It was waist deep.

"Ruthie", called out Martin over the cries of other passengers trying to find love ones.

Luggage, suitcases were everywhere but Martin could not be stopped for his search for Ruthie.

Have you ever had an out of body experience. That's what I'm having right now. I know my eyes are closed and I can't feel anything. I'm wondering if I am dead. It's quiet possible I mean our plane did crash. It is more than likely that I didn't survive it. But there is something pricking at the back of my mind, I hear a voice. I hear my name. I hope its not like an angel or anything like that trying to take me to heaven. I don't want to go there yet. But I can't be going to heaven but heaven is not supposed to have pain but right now that's all I'm feeling. My stomach is in so much pain. That voice I hear it again. Who is calling me like that and why can't I get up. Why is the darkness trying to consume me. I want to stay awake I Know that that it is important for some reason but I can't. Martin. God Martin, he was in the plane with me. What if. God no he couldn't have died. No he can't die I refuse to believe that. No Martin can't die. Because there would be no reason for me to live.

"Ruthie please god, Ruthie", cried out Martin.

He held his breath and dove under the murky water in search of Ruthie. The plane was large but he was determined to find her. He had to find her. He was die if she. God he couldn't think like that. He came up for air once more. He looked around at the scared faces of the other passengers. He knew that this situation was bad. But he had to find Ruthie.

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Annie Camden stared straight ahead not saying a word. It had been exactly 5 hours since she heard the news that had rocked her family's world. Eric sat next to her also not saying a word. The other children were in the living room awaiting any news as to whether or not Martin or Ruthie made it. Mr. Brewer also sat with them not saying a word. When he heard the news he rushed over and for once in the marine's life he broke down completely. Martin was the only person he had.

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Lucy, Keven, Simon, Sandy, the twins, Aaron, and Veronica all sat in the living room with Matt and Sarah as Matt talked to the authorities on the phone trying to get an update about what was going on. Matt shook his head negative. They still had not found the plane as of yet. They knew that he went down in the water though. Lucy began to cry as Kevin tried comforting her. It was a difficult task especially since he felt such devastation himself. Ruthie and Martin had become part of his family as well. Simon was taking it hard. He hardly said a word since the news had came in. Sandy tried to comfort him but he couldn't even look at her. Sandy chose instead to calm her little boy instead that seemed to be crying non-stop for his daddy. It broke a little of her heart every time she heard his cries. She looked back at her husband once more and sighed. He just was away from her at the moment. He wasn't crying, yelling, nothing. It was like he was devoid of emotion.

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

I still hear the voice and I want to answer it I really do but how can I. I can't even talk, atleast I don't think so. I'm scared. Am I dead, or am I dying. I mean I know I'm not dreaming. So what in the world.

"Oh god"

I feel myself being pulled up.

"Ruthie", cried out Martin relief to have found her.

But he eyes were closed and her stomach was bleeding.

"Ruthie come on", cried out Martin.

He moved her closer to the front of the plane where there was less water. He began CPR.

"Do you need help", asked a guy behind Martin.

"Yes", answered Martin before blowing air into her lungs.

"Come on Ruthie come on", said Martin.

The man did chest compressions on her chest trying to get her to breath. Everyone watched in silence as both mean tried to save this young woman's life. But was it even worth it. Because everyone on that plane knew that it was a matter of time before they all drowned. They were in the middle of the ocean in a plane that was partial flooded with water. How long would it take for it to be completely flooded?

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Everyone stared at the TV screen awaiting any type of news. The coast guard and everyone were looking for the plane. It has been 12 hours since it went down.

"This just in, they have found the plane. However the problem remains on how to get passengers out of it since it is buried deep close to the ocean floor."

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"Ruthie please", yelled Martin as he blew one more time.

That voice I would know it anywhere. It's Martin. Open your eyes Ruthie.

So I did.

"Ruthie god Ruthie", cried Martin hugging her tightly.

"Martin".

My voice is raspy. And now that I'm completely awake the pain in my abdomen is beyond painful.

I look at a guy standing next to Martin and I wonder what he is staring at.

"There is too much blood kid", said the man worry and concern in his voice and eyes.

I look down as well and I see it. A piece of wood or metal is stuck in my stomach. I know what Martin is going to do. He looks at me. I'm not prepared.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". The pain.

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Veronica looked around at the Camdens and felt lost. She should have been on that plane. Why wasn't she?

1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

The blackness has set in again. I know Martin had to pull it out but he didn't understand what would happen. This only part of the journey that we the passengers aboard this flight will have to endure. I am one of the ones that will have to endure the most. God help me.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: the song used is Selena "I could fall in love with you". I love that song. I hope this chapter is up to your liking. Review it and tell me. Thanks.

Chapter 7:

"Ruthie you have to stay awake baby", whispered Martin into my ear.

I am trying, really trying to stay awake but the pain in my abdomen is just too much. Doesn't he understand that I don't want to die because I want us to be together but it is so hard to stay awake. I could feel the pull to the other side.

"Martin",

I hear my voice crying out. I could hear the others in the plane starting to panic and I am wondering why. Martin looked panicked a well.

"What is going on".

I gasp this statement out. I know he wants to lie to me but Martin knows not to do that. "The plane is flooding", said Martin quietly in my ear. He noticed my shocked look and held my hand trying to calm me down but even I could see that he was scared also.

"She is losing too much blood", said the man next to Martin.

Martin closed his eyes sighing and trying to be brave for me. But we both know that if we don't get help I'm going to die here. I felt tears come to my eyes at that. I was so angry because Martin and I can never complete our plans. We were waiting but we knew that we would get married eventually and have babies and grow old together but I was going to die here. It wasn't fair. The tears slipped from my eyelids and I felt his hands wiping them away.

"We will get out of this, have faith Ruthie", said Martin.

I really tried but having faith right now was the most difficult thing. Where were the rescue guys, why weren't they helping us?

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Annie stared blanking at the cup of coffee in front of her. She looked at her husband trying to get some expression from him but this was the first time in all the time they have been married that she couldn't get a read on what he was thinking. He was completely emotionless. This was a first since her husband was usually a sensitive man. It's hard to think about this Ruthie dead. It killed Annie to think that Ruthie would not be coming home. Annie then looked at Martin's father and saw his anguish. She didn't want Martin not to come home either. Martin had become a fixture in their home. Annie closed her eyes and thought back to when Ruthie and Martin had come home for a week from their tour with Veronica.

Flashback……………………

"Martin stop it", giggled Ruthie as she opened the door to her child hood home.

He was kissing her neck making her squeal in delight.

"Can't do that", answered Martin still kissing her neck.

"Oh hey mom", said Ruthie busting out laughing at the expression on Martin's face at being caught.

"Hey Annie", said Martin with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Hello Martin", said Annie smiling.

It had been a long time since she had seen Ruthie so happy. After that concert Martin and Ruthie were inseparable. They spent all of their time together since Martin had become Ruthie and Veronica's manager.

"Hey mom", said Ruthie walking into the kitchen one late night.

"Hey what are you doing up so late?", asked Annie.

"Well I could ask you the same thing mom", said Ruthie smirking.

"Couldn't sleep", said Annie.

Ruthie nodded her head taking a seat across from her mother. Ruthie stole some cookies from her mother's plate as they sat down in comfortable silence.

"How's the tour; I saw one of your shows on tv", said Annie smiling proudly at her daughter.

Ruthie smiled.

"It's been great, I mean I am having a blast you know which is weird because I never liked touring before", said Ruthie.

"You like touring because Martin is there", said Annie smiling knowingly at her youngest daughter.

Ruthie blushed at that.

"He is the one mom", said Ruthie looking at her mother.

"Martin is my one. You know it perfect with him", said Ruthie smiling"

Annie nodded her head. She knew that Martin was the one. She always knew that Martin was the one for her youngest daughter.

End of Flashback…………………..

Annie sighed rubbing her eyes.

"Please god", whispered Annie.

She needed her daughter and her boyfriend to be safe and sound. She needed her family to be together. She could feel the tears coming forward and tried to push them back but they silently flowed down her cheeks. Her daughter was in danger and possibly could be dead. She couldn't handle that.

"Have faith", said Eric.

Annie looked at him in the eye and nodded her head.

"Have faith", repeated Annie.

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

I am struggling. I know that. Martin is putting pressure on my wound. I'm losing blood fast. He is trying to make me stay awake but it seems to be getting worse. My mind starts to drift to the last couple of months of our lives. It just was the best times of my life.

Flashback………………………..

3 months earlier

I sat down at the hotel trying to write a new song. Me and Veronica were thinking about putting out another album maybe for the end of the year, possibly for Christmas. It was now the middle of July. I have been one tour for a while now and to tell you the truth this is the first time that I enjoyed being on tour like this. It was the best time of my life.

"So did you write anything?", asked Martin.

I smile at him and lean over and kiss him softly on the mouth.

"Hey baby".

I whisper this into his ear. I am not sitting on his lap. I love these down times that we have. Martin had fully taken over the role as manager for me and Veronica. We had decided to sue that snake also known as our old manager. I had a good feeling about it.

"Yeah I did, I was wondering if I could run it by you".

I say this giving him the pouty face that I know will make him melt.

"Okay baby", said Martin smiling.

I love that smile did I mention that. Aaron has that smile. Martin on tour is difficult for him because he has to spend less time wit Aaron but I suggested that Aaron come on tour with us. I talked to Sandy about it and she agreed. Aaron right now was across the hall sleeping. He had been on tour with us for the whole summer. That made me realize that Aaron was a strong part of our lives and because of that I decided to only tour during the summer so that Martin could take Aaron with him. The other time of the year I would stay closer to home so that Aaron wouldn't miss his father much. Martin was happy with this and Veronica was okay with it. She said that I made a mature decision and that she was proud of me. That made my day.

"So let's hear it", said Martin looking at me while I sat down with my guitar.

I close my eyes and begin to sing.

**I could lose my heart tonight  
If you don't turn and walk away  
'Cause the way I feel I might  
Lose control and let you stay**

I looked at him as I sang those lyrics. This whole song was about him. He doesn't know how much he inspires me. He looks at me with so much love sometimes it takes my breath away. 

'Cause I could take in my arms  
And never let go

I could fall in love with you  
I could fall in love with you

I close my eyes and sing gently to the song. I know this song has be on my next album. It was all about my love for him. I look up when I hear the door open and see a sleepy Aaron and Veronica step into the room. I smile at them before continuing.

**  
I can only wonder how  
Touching you would make me feel  
But if I take that chance right now  
Tomorrow will you want me still **

So I should keep this to myself  
And never let you know

I could fall in love with you  
I could fall in love with you

**  
And I know it's not right  
And I guess I should try to do what I should do  
But I could fall in love, fall in love with you  
I could fall in love with you  
**

I had decided to add a little Spanish into the song. Veronica was of Spanish heritage and she taught me some words. It sounded perfect in my ears at the time. I see her smile when I start talking in Spanish a little bit. I see her close her eyes. She is probably imagining the notes. Veronica had a very good ear when it came to music. I wrote the lyrics and she wrote the music. She played every instrument, so I know she would add some instrument when she recorded this song.

**  
Siempre estoy sonando en ti  
Besando mis labios, acariciando mi piel  
Abrazandome con ansias locas  
Imaginando que me amas  
Como yo podia amar a ti. **

So I should keep this to myself  
And never let you know

I could fall in love with you  
I could fall in love with you

I could fall in love, I could fall in love  
With you...

End of Flashback………………………

"I could fall in love with you".

I sing this song gently. I could feel Martin caressing my face singing softly with me. This song was by far his favorite song. I smile and then everything was silent. I felt it before anything.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh",

I heard the screams. WE were sinking. I could feel the plane give out. It was slipping closer to the ocean floor.

"Please God".

I heard this clearly in my ears. I was scared.

"I love you".

I whisper this because I know he will hear me. I take a deep breath, and I think it will be my last breath. Everything is closing around me. I'm dying. I Ruthie Camden is dying and there is nothing I could do to stop it.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: the song that is used in this chapter is Sarah Mclachalan "Angel". Thank you so much for the reivews. YOu guys are great. Anyway here is chapter 8 I hope you like it. Thanks Peace.

Chapter 8

"Stay with me baby, there are here, stay with me", said Martin.

I could clearly hear him talking to me but it was so hard to stay awake. I know that this wound that I have is going to kill me but I don't want to die not yet. I need to live for him, for my family. I miss them I love them.

"Martin".

That is the only word that can pass through me dry and cold lips. There are trembling, my whole body is trembling. I'm so scared.

"Take her first", yelled Martin.

"Sir", called out another voice behind me.

"No she is bleeding, she needs to go first, please she is everything, please", said Martin.

I could feel the tears that he is crying hitting my face. Please don't cry. Those are the words that I want to say but I'm too weak to say anything. I could feel them pulling me out. Martin, where is he.

"Martin".

I whisper those words and I look forward and see him becoming smaller and farther away from me.

"No Martin".

I yelled this time.

"NO Martin".

I know I'm going crazy and I can clearly see the tears in his eyes. They can't take me and leave him here. I'll die without him, don't they understand that.

"Ruthie calm down baby", said Martin calmly.

He is next to me though. He is calling it out to me from inside the plane. Who is pulling me away from Martin?

"Martin, please, please I need him, please Martin".

I yell this and this time I know I'm crying out loudly.

"Martin, please don't leave him in there".

"Miss you have to calm down, you will get your boyfriend out when we take care of everyone that is injured first, now I need you to take calm down as I put this oxygen mask on you for to breath under water", said the rescue worker.

"No I can't not without him, I need him so badly, please don't take him from me, please".

I whisper this and plead with him with tears flowing down my face. I don't care if I look crazy. I don't care about the people now staring at me hearing me plead me case.

"I'll die don't you understand, without him, I'll die".

The rescue worker looked at me almost torn.

"Let him go with her. He is not injured and he could help you with the other injured people. You can swim right boy", said the man that was helping Martin save me.

Martin nodded his head. He was looking directly at me.

"Alright son, you will help take that young woman right there", said the rescue worker.

Martin nodded his head taking the oxygen mask from the rescue worker to place it on the young woman that looked like she had a broken arm. I seemed to be the one that was most badly injured, everyone else had few scrapes. I want to protest but the rescue worker told me that he was more trained then Martin and I was too badly injured for Martin to swim to the submarine that was there to take everyone to safety. I nodded my head but I still looked in his direction. I need to feel him next to me. I see him smile at me and give me that cute wink of his. I try to smile but I wince instead because the pain in my stomach seems to be getting worse. I see the worried look on his face. I try to keep me eyes open but it wasn't working. I could feel the darkness coming. Before everything goes dark I here him scream my name.

"I know she is waking up Annie, I can't accept anything else", said Martin.

I could hear them in the background. I try to open my eyes but it so hard to. I sigh instead and try to listen.

"She has to Annie, I can't live without her, I just can't. She's my Angel", whispered Martin.

He is so close to me. I could feel his breath against my neck sending shivers throughout my body, I could feel his fingers running though my hair. He is my Angel. I hope he knows that. Angel. Hum. That reminds me. This could be a song. You must think I'm nuts here I am in a coma and here I am thinking of a song. But when inspiration hits you, you just go with it.

"She is my Angel", whispered Martin.

"My Angel".

I whispered this and I think everyone that must be in the room heard me because it seemed that they all stopped what they were saying or about to say.

"Ruthie".

I hear him whisper this like he was almost afraid to believe that I was awake.

"My Angel".

I whisper this once more and open my eyes and look into the most beautiful pair of eyes ever. I lift me hand up and stroke his cheek, smiling at tears that flowed down his face.

"Angel". I whispered once more before he kisses me lips.

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It had been exactly 3 months since the plane crash and I have finally been feeling like my old self again. There was one problem though. I was sitting here. Yes sitting. It seems that walking was going to be a problem. I could feel my legs mind you, which I was happy about but walking was still difficult. Martin was there through everything. He was there when they told me that there would a chance that I will never have children. I cried for days after that. It was such a blow to me. I wanted a big family and there were telling me that it was possible that I would never give Martin the children that we wanted so badly. But he was there with me. He cried with me and he told me that we would adopt because some child in the world deserved our love. I looked at me and feel harder in love with him then.

But there has been one thing that has annoyed me to no end though, the media coverage. It was borderline obsessive. They wanted to know everything. Most of all they wanted to know when I would be back. It was hard for me to want to go on tour when I somehow over time developed a fear of flying. I know. I know. I was never scared of planes before but ever since the plane crash even seeing on tv gives me shivers. Martin has been supportive but he knows that I have to do this. I have to go on a plane to face my fear. Anyway the MTV awards were coming and I had been nominated for 9 moon man. I had to go to NY. I was scared but I knew it was something I had to do. I wanted to walk and stand on stage though. Martin was scared about that but I was determined for this to happen. I knew that I was going to try my hardest. I was going to get better.

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MTV. It's a mad house over here. I decided not to walk down the red carpet. Martin talked to them and told them that he wanted to keep me coming as a surprise. MTV readily agreed. They were surprised that I wanted to walk on stage. They were scared as well but Martin assured them that I would be alright. I watched most of the performances from backstage. Jim Carrey was hosting this year and he was so funny.

"Hey baby".

I love that voice. I see him and Veronica standing behind me.

"You ready to do this?", asked Veronica smiling.

I know she was happy to be back on stage and she was happy that I was on stage as well. I nod my head. Veronica smiled as she heard our names and heard the crowd yelling loudly for us. I smile as she pushed my wheel chair out on stage. This is our moment.

I smile when I see the crowd yelling. All of my peers are standing up clapping as loudly as the fans. I try to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest. I'm trembling. I look to the side and smile.

"How you doing MTV".

I yell this and the noise level seems to get louder. Veronica sits at the piano. I look at Martin and see him smile at me. I begin to sing.

**Spend all your time waiting**  
**For that second chance  
For a break that would make it okay  
There's always one reason  
To feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
Oh beautiful release  
Memory seeps from my veins  
Let me be empty  
And weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight**

My heart is pounding out of my chest. I am shaking. I know when I wrote this song. I was when Martin was calling out to me all that time that I was in my coma. I heard him call me that. He was my angel and I wanted him to know that. I sit in my chair and smile at him. He gave me a look of pure love. I wanted to sing this song solo. In face Veronica insisted that I sing it alone. I could feel the pain of the song. Not knowing if you would live to see the next day killed something inside of me. But Martin gave me that something back. 

In the arms of an angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line  
And everywhere you turn  
There's vultures and thieves at your back  
And the storm keeps on twisting  
You keep on building the lie  
That you make up for all that you lack  
It don't make no difference  
Escaping one last time  
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear

I know what I'm going to do next will shock everyone. They could hear the tears in my voice. I could feel them flowing down my face. I push my legs out of the leg rest in my wheel chair. Each leg came down on the stage. I remember all the times screaming in pain from trying to walk, from just trying to stand and now I want to show everyone that I'm alright. That I'll always be alright with Martin by my side. I give him the signal. He slowly walks to the stage and stops in front of me. Everyone in the crowd looked on trying to understand what was going on. I kept singing. Then I heard the noise.

**  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort here **

I stood before the crowd. There was no one holding me there was just me and Martin on the stage. Then I got the shock of my live. While I was watching the audience and their reaction to me standing, Martin was kneeling in front of me. I looked down in shock. Everyone was screaming.

"Ruthie Camden, My Angel, my soul. You are my life girl and the very thought that I might lose you killed me inside. You are my Angel and my soul mate. I can't begin to tell you how I feel because there are not enough words in the whole English vocab to express how I feel. So instead I'm giving you this, my heart, as an expression of my love. So Ruthie Camden, will you be my wife?", said Martin.

I look at me and feel my legs start to give out but I hold it still. I take the microphone that he had taken from my hands and give me answer in front of millions right there at the MTV awards. "Yes". That was all I needed to say before his lips touched mine and I heard the noise but I blocked it out. My love was in my arms. My Angel.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** Sorry it has taken me so long to update this story. These past two months have been trying, between family issues, school, and work my stories had to take a back seat but no more. I have steadily been updating them. I should be updating once a week now. Anyway thanks so much for the love. It really helped me get back to the flow of things. So here is the next chapter. Hope you like it tell me what you think

Chapter 9

"You guys sure know how to make a scene", said Simon smirking.

My brother the comedian. Sandy stood next to him looking like she was going to give out a squeal in which she did. I could hear her running her mouth a mile a minute telling me how excited she was for me and Martin. Veronica I could tell was rolling her eyes at Sandy. Veronica always thought that Sandy was a little dazed and confused as Veronica put it.

"I love the girl, you know I do but can the girl act any more blond".

I laughed like crazy at that. Veronica rolled her eyes. She was good at doing that.

"So baby sis when is the wedding", asked Simon.

"Simon we just got engaged".

I say this while looking at Martin that is smiling down at me. Did I mention how much I love this man? He is a gift to me. There is nothing am more sure of. Umm maybe I could write a song about that. I wanted to go on tour. I know Veronica has been itching to go back on tour. The rush is still there so I am going to talk to Martin about setting up a national tour. I feel him kiss me forehead. I'm sitting in the wheelchair because I'm still not 100 percent yet but I'm getting there. I hope to be back to normal soon there. I hate been in this chair.

Did I mention that Martin and I have been living together in the apartment that he lived while being here in Glen Oak? I love that apartment so much, it feel like home to me.

"So Veronica and this new guy should we be worried?"

Martin looked at me when asking this. I smirk at this because he knows the new guy. Veronica has been dating Mac for the past two months. They met each other at one of our family dinners and clicked. Veronica laughed at this lame jokes and he understand her bluntness. They got along really well; I'm surprised that I never saw it before. If Veronica goes on tour I know that he would join her because his job allows him to do it all he needs is a computer. Mac owns some type of computer thing on the internet. He tried to explain it to me but frankly he just confused me more so I just tell him that he is a computer guy. He just laughs at me and tries to explain again but I ignore him. He could try his hardest and I still don't understand what in the world he is talking about.

"I know so, baby how do you really feel about everything?"

He asked me this looking nervous. What in the world does he have to be nervous about? Did he really think that I would come home and change my mind about marrying him? He is so adorable. I tell him this making him blush.

"Don't you know what you are to me Martin?"

"You are my soul".

He looks at me and I feel his kiss gently across me mouth. God I want him so badly. I want him to make love to me. I want him to take me. I tell him this and he asks me

"Are you sure?"

I tell him I have never been surer of anything in my life. I want to make love to this man like nothing else matters.

"Make love to me Martin".

I say this looking him in the eye. He swallows hard but I know that he has accepted. I don't know if Martin knows this or not but I'm a virgin. I have never given myself to anyone so I want to give myself to Martin. He is the only one that I would ever be in a sexual relationship with because frankly there is no one else for me. I feel his hands touch my shoulder and I shudder, not out of fear or anything like that but out of general want and need. He stops and I look at him and he says.

"I want this to be good for you".

I smile at him as he gathers up candles and lights them up around the room. I smile once more as he turns on the radio. Toni Braxton's sweet voice comes out of the studio. I begin to hum along. He bends down and cups me face. He slowly kisses me and I feel myself shudder once more.

**First thing early Monday morning  
I'm gonna pick my tears away  
Got no cause to look back  
I'm lookin' for me a better day  
You see the thing 'bout love  
Is that it's not enough  
If the only thing it brings you is pain  
There comes a time when we could all make a change**

I look him in the eyes and push him back a little. I slow remove my shirt. I lift it above my head and let the material flow to the ground next to me. I groan out loud when his hot mouth kisses my neck then shoulder blades once more. I close my eyes and just feel. This is was how I imagined it to be. The candles lit, gave him a slight glow, like he was an angel. In fact he does look like an angel. All that is missing his halo and wings.

**Just let go  
and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow  
everything's gonna work out right,  
ya know  
Let go, and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow  
Just let go**

I feel him slowly remove my bra and I want to cover up but I hear his words.

"Don't hide from me. You are so beautiful Ruthie so beautiful".

I try not to cry at these words. It is so calm and he looks right at me when he says it. I feel his hands touching my back gently. I look up at him and pull him down and kiss him gently then I get more into it. I make love to his mouth. I wrap my arms his neck making him make me stand up. He holds my waist trying to keep me steady. I pull back and look him in the eye. I lean over and ask him to lie down on the bed. He smiles at me before doing as I say. ****

Don't nobody want no broken heart  
And don't nobody want no two time losers  
Ain't nobody gonna love you like you are  
If you take whatever he brings your way  
You see the thing of it  
Is we deserve respect  
But we can't demand respect without change  
There comes a time when we must go our own way  


I lie on top of him and kiss his neck, his nipple I gently suck and lick around the other one. He gasps and I feel his fingers through my hair. I love that. I can't tell you how much I love when he runs his fingers through my hair. It makes me feel safe. I gently remove the towel that was around his waist and almost gasp at the size of him. He looks at me and kisses me making me forget about that this might hurt.

**  
Just let go  
and let it glow, let it flow, let it flow  
everything's gonna work out right,  
Y'know  
Let go, and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow  
Just let go**

I don't know when it happened but I felt him enter my body. It did hurt I'm not going to lie but then I felt the most pleasure I have ever experienced in my life. He kissed my tears away and whispered so many beautiful things in my ear. I was truly making love to him. I could feel myself wrapping my legs, arms, and heart around this man. I could feel the little puffs of air that came out his mouth against my ear. I could feel his harder body against mine. I could feel him gently brushing my damp hair away from my face. I could feel Martin Brewer wrap his soul around mine. It's crazy but Martin, I could feel him. The pleasure got to be too much. I felt him convulse into my body and I shudder from pure ecstasy. I experienced and out of body feeling. I felt my soul and his soul bind. This was stronger then any marriage ceremony this was the joining of soul mates. ****

Sometimes love it can work out right  
sometimes you'll never know  
but if it brings only pain in your life  
don't be afraid to let it go

I lay awake and look at him. He is sound asleep right now next to me. He doesn't know that I watch him sleep. Martin is at the most peace when he is sleeping. There are not stress lines or worry lines, just a man that I love sleeping contently. I brush the hair that he has chosen to let grow out of his face and kiss his forehead. "I love you". I whisper this to him but he seems to have heard me because he smiled in his sleep.

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"Damn girl you alright in there", asked Veronica.

I had been throwing up for the last three weeks it is driving me insane. I have a doctor's appointment today actually to see if anything is wrong. I'm worried though. What if it was something horrible like cancer. I did notice bruises on my arms. I went on the internet and that was one of the symptoms of cancer. I don't want to worry anyone but I'm scared.

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"Are you sure?".

I ask the doctor this again to make sure that I heard her right. I feel the tears come down my face. The doctor gives me a hug. I am trembling. I can't believe this is happening. I'm so young. I'm not ready for all that goes along with this. I'm just too young. I sobbed in the doctor's arms. I'm just so scared. Now how am I going to tell Martin. How am I going to tell Martin

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"Martin there is something I need to tell you".

I started practicing what I wanted to tell him since hearing the news. WE are on tour right now and this is so hard. I take a deep breath.

"Martin there is something I found out that you need to know about".

"I need to know what".

Shit he scared me. I hear him say he was sorry for scaring me but he asked me again what I had to tell him. I stand up look him in the face.

"Martin, I".

Then I felt the world spin. I feel the world tilt on its axis and I fall to the ground. All I hear is Martin screaming my name before everything turns dark.


End file.
